More Gratitude

I was recently asked to write a Gratitude piece. This is what came out. I'd never written about it before. What an adventure.

In 2011, forty years after my life transforming bout with cancer, I found myself walking into a Cancer Center wondering what in the world I was doing here. For symptoms I’d been having, the doctor I’d come here to see had been highly recommended. 

The next thing I knew I was having a complete hysterectomy which revealed a nasty tumor in my uterus. I was not amused. Chemo and radiation were prescribed. I passed on radiation and in a haze of bewilderment, agreed to chemotherapy. I was blessed to have it administered by a wonderful doctor who most generously gave up one of his examining rooms every three weeks for five and a half hours. 

Unlike my first bout in the 70’s, I let people in this time. A team of wonderful women, organized by my dear friend, Alice Evans, covered the first few days after each infusion. They were here to do whatever was needed, which wasn’t much since I felt so terrible. Nonetheless, thank you all. Muguette Hamon, an amazing friend and healer from Montreal, drove to NYC three times in the dead of winter to work on me. Astounding! Thank you, Muguette. My husband, Ben Bryant, couldn’t have been more caring. Thank you always, my dear love. And many were praying for me. Thank you.

By another stroke of Grace I was guided to having acupuncture with Dr. Nan Lu. Thank you, Dr. Lu. In my first sessions with Master Lu, he reminded me that there are no accidents and that this was all purposeful and meaningful. I felt as if he’d been reading my blogs.  This was what I’d been sharing with people for years. I’d even created a DVD/CD project (now downloadable) called the Better & Better Series, to assist Pre & Post Surgery surgery patients and their caregivers. The Series immerses us in the glories of Nature, while beautiful music and inspiring thoughts create deep peace and ease to support the innate healing wisdom within. “Natural Forces within us are the true healers of disease”, Hippocrates. It turns out I used my own work a lot to assist me at this time. 

After the fourth session of chemo, I was really sinking. Though all this time I was able to go within and “work” on myself, I didn’t have the energy to move. It was a very warm April and I was huddled under our down quilt freezing. No one said a word, but I soon learned that my husband and friends all thought the chemo was killing me. In the meantime, I was under the quilt listening inside for some message about what to do here. One day, out of a clear blue sky, I heard, “It’s enough”! What? I asked for a repeat: “It’s enough”. Oh, thank you, thank you, thank you. A wave of great relief washed through me, though I continued to lie there totally depleted. Two days later, a conversation was going on in my head. I heard: “Elizabeth, you know that your body is a healing machine. How can it heal itself when you’re throwing an atom bomb into it every three weeks?” Whoa! That was huge. I don’t know for sure, but that might have been Dr. Lu speaking. Thank you, thank you, thank you. The next day, I called my oncologist and said I was stopping treatment. “You can’t do that”, he stated emphatically. I did, despite the uproar from all my doctors and healer friends. I just knew I had to stop.

It was slow going for about a year. I’d lost a lot of weight and was energetically wasted, but the Wonder of Wonders within me, to say nothing of the ongoing support of Traditional Chinese Medicine (Dr. Lu and Tatiana Philippova), nurtured me day and night. As I’d been writing and talking about for years regarding my healing in the ’70’s, this was again a blessing in disguise. It was no accident; it was another "rite of passage" for me. 

One of my most compelling lessons here was allowing in love. Like most women, I’d always been much better at giving than receiving, and this arduous journey was here to open me up to receiving the great abundance of love around and within me at all times. Thank you, everyone, for reminding me of that. Words cannot begin to describe the Gratitude I feel. I’m so Greatfull* for my life.

* When we’re feeling grateful, we’re full of The Great

"Waiting for Elizabeth: a Love Story" by Ben Bryant

I want you to know about him and this accomplishment of his, so let me introduce to my blog followers, my husband, Ben Bryant. He recently completed an autobiographical Trilogy from  his early childhood in Bristol, Tennessee, to arriving on another planet called Hollywood at age 13, to relishing the delights of being a busy singer/actor in NYC after college. (Three Stages) Ultimately he became involved in film and video production and editing and enjoys that to this day. (Circumstances Beyond My Control) His final book, which reveals life from 1990 to the present day is entitled Waiting for Elizabeth. Many of these years were arduous for me/us and I didn’t want him to write about them, but there was no stopping his need to do so. Then, he had the audacity to ask me to write the Foreword. With part of me kicking and screaming, I did so. Hope you enjoy.

Foreword to Waiting for Elizabeth

I was shocked when Ben asked me to write this foreword. Truth be told, I didn’t even want him to write the book. Who wants to resurrect life’s painful chapters even if they ultimately deliver the players to peaceful conclusions? Not me! But the determination (bordering on bull-headedness) and dedication of this man to tell his story, was non-negotiable. So here we are.

Much to my dismay at times, he read every chapter of this book to me. And though it was often “not a day at the beach”, it wasn’t as difficult as I’d anticipated. Toward the end of the reading, I was struck by an unlikely image. It was of the phenomenal documentary Winged Migration, where we got to witness birds of every conceivable variety, leaving their nests and flying thousands of miles over oceans and mountains and continents – flying it seemed forever – to their “vacation homes”, where they hung out and mated and re-grouped. Then with a seasonal shift, there they were flying back from whence they’d come. It was extraordinary, thrilling, inspiring, and to me, exhausting. I couldn’t imagine flapping my wings for such a long time. What a tough gig for these beautiful creatures. 

And somehow, as I listened to Ben’s story, I had a similar reaction. It wasn’t exhaustion, it was amazement at the resiliency he’d brought to his personal journey. From childhood he was clearly a gifted boy. His singing was remarkable and he easefully moved into a theatrical career in California after college. Broadway beckoned and he became a busy singer/actor the first week he arrived in The City.

Theatre, as it turned out, was not his calling and his interest in film production took over. Being a born leader (Someone said to me recently: “Ben doesn’t suffer fools gladly.”) his powerful voice served him well as a Producer and First Assistant Director in film, commercials, and live musical events. An innately curious man, he was always willing to jump into the deep end of the pool, often conquering very steep learning curves. From film he moved on to video production – shooting, directing and editing. All of these disciplines require much study and practice. And in our relentlessly shifting technological age, there’s no end to the ever-evolving tools. Ben just keeps embracing it all.

Furthermore, and perhaps most significant, through many of his most stressful periods – even our separation and divorce, as devastating as they were – Ben maintained his equanimity. The vicissitudes of life seemed to be no match for his innately positive perspective. And I was amazed as he shared his rendition of our most arduous times, that I wasn’t more upset. I could hear that his love for me had remained despite the anger and hurt, and that the love ultimately eclipsed them. Moreover, given that his ground of being is firmly ensconced in his steadfast sense of humor, laugh-out-loud-funny was often the result.

So I emerge from this scrutiny of his/our passage with great admiration for him. Having to move himself and all his gear to new locations to accommodate whatever was developing in his work life; and constantly needing to address and conquer unfamiliar equipment and challenging projects seems not to have drained but to have buoyed his robust energy. It seems he could flap his wings forever. I salute that. 

I’m very proud of him and his indomitable and adventurous spirit. By the way, I love him.

Responsible Citizen

That Barack Obama is still walking and talking at the same time is miraculous to me. Despite the relentless hatred directed toward him and his beautiful family, and the ruthless singleminded agenda to negate everything he proposes since the night of his inauguration in 2009, he keeps on keeping on. Of course, this is his job and he chose it. I suggest we have a job here too. It’s called being a responsible citizen.

I’m reminded of JFK’s provocative statement during his 1961 Inaugural speech: “Ask not what your country can do for you; ask what you can do for your country.”  

Mahatma Gandhi told us: “You must be the change you wish to see in the world.”

Let’s all own that: Let’s be Peace; be Love; be kindness. Let’s devote ourselves to sharing from a compassionate heart each and every day, wherever we are – whatever we're doing. 

Our commitment to this way of being can change the world.

Though ‘nobody’s perfect’, it continues to be my opinion that Barack Obama is playing chess and most of the rest of us are stumbling through checkers. Let’s drop the judgment. He needs us to have his back. Let’s support him with encouraging thoughts and prayers.

“The difference between what we do and what we are capable of doing would suffice to solve most of the world’s problems.” Mahatma Gandhi

Some Call It Love

I feel that our major job here is to be a blessing. I feel that we are all Light Beings. “Matter is energy. Energy is Light. We are all Light Beings.” (Albert Einstein) I also feel that we provide blessings to all by sharing the Light that’s ever present in our hearts. Some call it Love. 

So this morning I’m writing in my little corner and I hear a really loud ambulance siren. In the past it’s been my pattern to send Light to whomever was in trouble at the other end of that siren. 

Today, there was another layer to that blessing. Sound is Light also, and I suddenly became aware of the service that this harsh, strident, screeching, piercing, shrill, grating siren is providing. 

It’s for all of us to perk up and pay attention and envision the siren (the Sound of Light) saturating the ambulance’s destination – the site and all the people involved – with the healing power of Light. 

Some call it Love.

Morning Blessings

I’ve been thinking a lot recently about our being a blessing to each other and our world everyday.  And this morning I’m walking in the park on this perfectly gorgeous day, and walking south on the other side of the median are two dogs on leash. The one on the right of its person is a Golden Retriever and it's strolling along wagging its tail, exuding happy it seemed. 

I felt blessed.  

A few minutes later, over there on the same stretch of walkway there’s a baby in a stroller, angled so that he can see over to my side and he’s grinning from ear to little ear. 

I felt blessed. 

Then I passed a groupette of little dogs with their people and two of them left the schmooze and came over and gave me a nose. So dear. 

Blessed again. 

So glad I took a walk this morning.

Gratitude – The Download

Gratitude has been the cornerstone of my life for many years and was the title of my first cassette recording. I had come through an arduous physical ordeal, and wanted to thank everyone who had helped me to recover. Singing for them seemed like a good idea, so with Richard Shulman, at keyboards (also creating arrangements) and Ron Young on guitar, accompanying his own original pieces, “Children of Light” and “Prince of Peace”, we recorded some songs I was currently singing a lot in a little studio in Soho.

The year was 1985. Another lifetime ago!

We gave it to lots of people and ultimately it ended up on The New Age Market. Recently it occurred to us to make “Gratitude” available for download at CDBaby. 

I’m thrilled to say that that has happened and I invite you to come and listen and download “Gratitude” – 

http://www.cdbaby.com/cd/elizabethhepburn6 . 

Hope you enjoy! 

The Red Rose

I have a very strong feeling to introduce you to this beautiful rose. It’s a photograph of a painting by my brother, Charlie, who passed in April 2013. He was an extremely prolific artist, but this rose is an exceptionally poignant gift to my life now. I wanted to share it and my beloved big brother with everyone.

http://CJHepburn.com/index.html 

Charlie's devoted daughter, Terry, a gifted photographer, is responsible for this picture. Thank you, Terry